i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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