The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
