They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
