are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
