I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
