i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
