I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
