Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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