I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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