sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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