I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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