I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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