after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Watching her eat just hurts me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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