i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
