It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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