I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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