Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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