My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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