I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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