Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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