he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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