After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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