Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Holy shit dude........stairs
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
