I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
