youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
