i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
