I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
