Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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