I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
