he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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