Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
