i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
