i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's shark week go big or go home
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
