I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
