i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
