his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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