I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
