This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
