My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
