I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
