This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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