There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
