the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's never too late to be topless.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
