im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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