He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize