When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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