I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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