fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
