He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
