She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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