i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
