you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize