I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
