They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
