I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
