Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
