I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
