You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
