Is it because I queefed?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
