she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
