I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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