I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
